If you grew up in the church, or have been around the church at all, you probably know that Christians can be very wary of the entertainment coming out of Hollywood.  Many Christians set strict standards for themselves and other believers, such as avoiding R-rated movies, because of their sincere desire to reduce their exposure to sex, violence, and language.  However, those who draw such lines were faced with a quandary when Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ was released a few years ago and received an R rating for the scenes of intense violence.  If a parent has preached against watching R-rated movies, for example, should they bar their children from seeing this movie as well?  Or is this an exception?  And if this is an exception, who is to say that there aren’t other R-rated exceptions?

I’m not concerned in this essay about figuring out what movies are or are not appropriate for Christians.  Instead, I want to point out a fact revealed by The Passion of the Christ that is certainly noteworthy, not to mention startling to some and amusing to others:  if you dramatized the Bible, it would be rated R!  If you put the story of Jesus on film – meek and mild, “love your neighbor” Jesus – sixteen year-olds would not be permitted in the theater to watch it!  The horrific violence that marked the end of Jesus’ life was downright offensive and unwatchable to many when it was shown on the big screen.  Shockingly, Mel Gibson showed that the story of Jesus is worthy of an R rating.

If you read through the rest of the Bible with open eyes and fresh ears, you find that the last week of Jesus’ life is not the only place deserving of an R rating.  For those who naively believe that the Bible is a collection of stories imploring us to be good, moral people who do good, moral things, this will be quite a surprise.  For example, would you be shocked to know that Jewish children under the age of thirteen were not permitted to read or hear teaching from the Song of Solomon, an Old Testament book about romantic and sensual love?  What about the countless bloody battles in the book of Joshua – do you think those would pass the PG-13 test?  And tell me what loving parent in their right mind would curl up and read a bedtime story from the book of Revelation to their eight year-old [“and then he said, The beast and the ten horns you saw will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire (Revelation 17:16).  Sleep tight Suzie!”]???  Many parts of the Bible are not easy reading for adults, never mind children.

Some of you have heard of the concept of a Life Verse.  Often, Christians find that there is a particular verse in the Bible that speaks to them and seems to give them a guiding principle for their life – hence, a Life Verse.  Two of the most popular Life Verses are probably Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” and Philippians 4:13 - “I can do everything through him [Christ] who gives me strength.”  However, there are many parts of the Bible that aren’t quite so inspirational.  If I were a betting man, I would bet you $100 that there isn’t a Christian out there with any of the following as their Life Verse:

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The Five Most Unlikely Life Verses

5) Proverbs 5:18-19 - May you rejoice in the wife of your youth… may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
4) Deuteronomy 23:13 - As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement
3) Judges 4:21 - But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.
2) Song of Solomon 7:7-8 -Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.”
1) Ezekiel 4:15 - “Very well,” God said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement.”
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Do these verses offend you?  Are you offended that the Bible includes passages about a husband enjoying his wife’s breasts?  Are you shocked that God gave instructions to Israel on how to handle excrement in their camp?  Are you horrified that God would give instructions to a prophet to cook over human feces, or that there is R-rated violence approved by God in the Bible? 

Please believe that I have not tackled this subject lightly, or out of any sophomoric attempt at humor.  Instead, I am trying to break through the boxes we have put God and His word in, so that our vision and worship of Him might increase.  Evangelical Christians are fond of quoting 2 Timothy 3:16-17, which states that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  If we believe that the above verses are indeed God-breathed and are useful for us, then we must get past the offense we feel at our R-rated Bible and understand what these verses reveal about God, so that we might love Him more and be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

As I read my R-rated Bible, one thing I find clear is that sex is good.  I find that God has designed sex to be more than just for procreation, but instead as an enjoyable part of the relationship between a husband and wife.  As I read Song of Solomon and verses such as the aforementioned Proverbs 5:18-19, I find a God who gives good gifts to His children and who practically commands a husband and wife to enjoy each other, not only spiritually but physically and emotionally as well.  And to a people who live in a sex-obsessed culture, that is good news.  I would suggest that if you are offended by God’s words about sex, your views on sex owe more to our Puritan heritage than they do the God of the Bible.

A second thing I find in my R-rated Bible is that God is holy and wants to get rid of all that will make us unclean or harm the purity of our worship of Him.  I find a God who is so concerned that His people will experience Him in all His glory and majesty that he even gives them instructions on how to handle their excrement, so that nothing will prevent them from enjoying His holy presence.  I find that God desperately wants the Israelites to remain holy and enjoy Him without barrier, so he continually commands them to get rid of anything (including evil nations and wicked people, as Unlikely Life Verse #3 shows) that will compromise their worship of Him.  I certainly find that while I may not always understand God’s ways and strategies, I know His motive is that His people would get rid of anything that might hinder them from experiencing and enjoying Him.  And as Life Verse #1 reveals, when God’s people turn their backs on Him, He can find some creative ways to show them how far they have fallen.

 The most important thing I learn from my R-rated Bible is that God is not only concerned with heavenly, lofty ideals and values but speaks to the everyday things that matter to us.  He speaks to our deepest emotions, like rage, despair, and ecstasy, in places like the Psalms and Job (read Psalm 137 sometime).  He speaks to our deepest desires, like companionship, significance, security, and sexual attraction, in Genesis, Proverbs, Song of Solomon, and other places.  And ultimately, He reveals that He is not just a God of the PG parts of life, but a God who is not afraid to deal with the R-rated portions of life as well.
  

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