A BIG no-no is nametags! AAAAGH! That is SCAREY! And it happened to me. I survived but I heard it can cause PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder triggered by walking into a new church).I agree that as a visitor, please acknowledge that I am here and you’re happy I’m here, but don’t overdo it. Perfect, Eric. Do not make me stand up, singling me out for an intro. A nicer experience is to meet a person or two one week, and a person or two the next week, etc. If the whole church intoduces themselves to me on my first visit and then ignores me next time, I can’t remember any of your names and now I am embarrassed to approach you.A sincere smile upon sitting next to someone is nice. Help finding a seat by a greeter (notice I didn’t say “Usher”) is especially helpful if there aren’t many seats left. It is okay if the greeter shakes my hand, but not too vigorously (we are in new England, not the Bible belt). Being stared at by rows of people upon entering the sanctuary is another big no-no. On a more serious note, a recent experience I had is that no elders introduced themselves to me after “visiting” for many months. Didn’t you not notice that we might be staying and need a little TLC? Aloof elders, another no-no. On the other hand, please remember that I am not there to join your church on my first or second visit. It’s a touchy situation with us visitors, but we truly are looking for people we can relate to. People who are sincerely happy we are there, even if for this one service. People who don’t want to convert us to their particular belief system, but who radiate Christ by their love for one another. It shows, even to first-time visitors, if the people in the congregation love one another.

Perfect - thank you for your very helpful insights!

Visiting Churches

If a family or individual is new to the area and looking to attend a church they tend to sort through many criteria. Most individuals know that no church is perfect, offering everything they are looking for. Therefore, they will choose the characteristics that are most important to them. For instance, do I want a traditional or contemporary congregation. For the traditionalists it may be as easy as looking up a particular denomination that has been around for 100 years or more in the phone book. Yet, for the person looking for a contemporary church service the process can be much more difficult.
Christians with a Charismatic, Pentecostal, Third Wave, and Independent backgrounds accept that their church services can be located in a variety of locations. These groups seek out any space that is available to suit their needs. For instance, congregations can be found meeting in shared church buildings, store fronts, warehouses, schools, sports complexes, grange halls, veterans and other so called secret societies and even bars and pubs.
As people narrow down their list of churches to visit they look to their location; is it close to home and focused on my city or town, or is it further away and have a larger vision serving a county or region.
Once these criteria are met a person begins to look inside the church walls.
For instance the following families:
1) The Thompson’s have a traditional background yet they want a service that has just a touch of contemporary music. Just a guitar and a piano with hymns is all they can handle. They prefer choirs and instrumentals. They may want to attend a a traditional church with a contemporary worship service.
2) The Johnson’s have an evangelical background, love contemporary music and are interested in the arts. They may seek out a church that has a drama or dance team. If your church is not open to that expression of worship either now or in the future your church is not for them.
3) The Miller’s have young children they come to your congregation for a visit and realize your church is full of senior citizens. The love everything else about your church but the lack of young children cause them to search for another church home.
4) The Smiths are looking for a church family that has small groups where the life of the church revolves around regular weekly meetings where that can be known and know others. But your church does not offer this type of relational groups.

If a family or individual finds two or three churches in a given area, what sets one apart from the other on the inside?
Yes it is true as a person walks in to a church service they begin to assess the situation with a critical eye. As a new person, am I greeted with warmth and respect or something else? Once I get past the greeters is there room for me to sit? Because I am new, I generally do not want to sit up front. Perhaps I want to observe from the back unnoticed. If the only seats are up front in front of all to see, I may turn around and go out the side door. If the congregation is aware of these tendencies they will make room in the back by encouraging their regular attendees to move to the front of the meeting room leaving the back open for visitors.
Next we look to the worship experience. Do I have the freedom and the space to worship in the manor I am accustom to? Is there room to kneel, lie prostrate, lift my hands or even dance if I am so inclined. Will I be the only one worshiping in this manner ? Or is there barely room to sit down and stand up?
Moving on to the worship team. Or the lack of a worship team. Some churches know that they do not have the skilled musicians to provide live worship and use CDs to provide the music. Others have semi-skilled musicians that no not know how to play together or even practice together. Both experiences can leave visitors with a bad taste in their mouths causing them not to return.
Still other assemblies can have skilled musicians but the worship time is a song list that has no life. The songs are preformed technically correct, but they run from one song to the next generally stopping and starting the song with abrupt endings and beginnings. These worship sets do not ebb and flow with what the Spirit may be trying to do. These teams may also be afraid of silence and want to fill the time with song.
Sometimes worship lists are too short for people to shake off the cares of the world and to focus on God. This can leave a visitor feeling like I just didn’t have time to get to the throne room.
Other worship teams may be looking for the real connection with God and not able to find it. Perhaps they stop short of entering that connection due to fear. When a team does this, the congregation can feel it and may be left wanting more and look elsewhere to find it.
After the worship experience a visitor turns to the teaching provided. Is the church a seeker friendly church or a church that is looking to provide a depth of knowledge that may or may not offend its members. If we just want to have numbers and not offend anyone or cause individuals to change than a seeker friendly service may be the place for you. Can I hide in the back of a large or small congregation and not be expected to change my life by what was taught.
Is the pastor intentionally or inadvertently causing the people to desire to be spoon fed because of a codependent relationship with his or her congregation? Does the leader of the group have a confidence in his or her ability to train and teach others and then get out of the way and allow them to grow independently? Or is his identity wrapped up in his congregation’s need of him to spoon feed them?
Some pastors may teach by topic or thru the books of the Bible. Teaching style and delivery directly impacts a visitors desire to stay or go. For instance, is the pastor going to yell at me and tell me I’m going to hell or is his or her delivery one that apologizes for the gospel.
All of this plays a key role on whether or not a visitor returns. Yet when it all boils down can a person in a congregation stand on the rock by his or her own because they were taught to search out the scriptures for themselves and have a personal relationship with the man Christ Jesus.
A teacher, elder or pastor must be sensitive to his members backgrounds. For example, if I have a Catholic, Pentecostal, or Charismatic background. First, if I am visiting a church and the pastor is expounding on how the Catholics believe in idols and they are wrong, I may be offended. Secondly, I may have a Pentecostal background and this pastor is teaching against what I believe like prosperity. Finally, I have a Charismatic background and pastor or elder makes a negative comment in a social gathering relating to the gift of healing or speaking in tongues, I may not want to return.
If a person has a servant’s heart and is willing to be involved in the workings of the church they want to know that their gifts will be used and excepted. How hard is it to be used in this group? Do visitors need to prove themselves for a year or two first before they will be allowed to serve? On the other hand a group may be too quick to take just anybody to serve regardless of their skill level or calling.
If a church is divided between being charismatic or not. For instance, a charismatic pastor trying to lead a non gifts congregation or a spilt congregation and a non or charismatic leader can cause tension to be evident in the service or at socials. A sensitive visitor will pick up on this right a way and not want to involve themselves with the struggle. They may wait to visit until the struggle has been resolved.
Are the people satisfied with the status quo or are they truly looking to grow? Are they willing to be stretched out of their comfort zone? Are they willing to except outsiders or are they threatened by the change a new person may bring to the group? Do they like things just the way they are? Is the congregation perceived as a closed group? A new comer may not want to work that hard to be an insider. Is the group so inwardly focused on themselves that they can’t begin to look to the lost or outsiders? Is it all about my needs or do I truly want to effect the lost and transform lives?
What does the leadership and worship team model to the congregation? Is the pastor with his or her family in the service experiencing the move of God or is he or she not in the room at all or so tied up with the details of running the service he or she can not worship with their congregation or family? Is the worship team enjoying the worship experience or are they just their doing their thing providing entertainment.and leave out the back door once the worship set is over. If a worship team is into the worship set being touched by God then the congregation will follow. If the team is in the Holy of Holies and the pastor or elders are not, this will also hinder the members from entering in to the presence of God.
When someone with a history of leadership visits your church, they may be considering all of the above and other criteria as well. I may have lead worship, a small group been a elder, missionary or even a pastor? Where do I fit in?
Is the pastor accessible? Is he or she superficial or genuine? Is the church set up in a way that each member goes directly to the pastor for their needs or is it set up to go thru a small group leader or elder first. How much time does leadership have to successfully know and meet the needs of a individual or family? If a visitor feels their needs will not be heard or meet in a particular congregation they will leave and look for another church.
The last issue for some visitors is what is the working structure of the organization. Some want a pastor to be solely responsible with a limit to how much can be spent with the day to day operations of the church. Others want the congregation to take a vote on each issue that comes up. Some want an elder board to be in charge with no power given to the pastor to keep him or her in check. Still others want to know that an outside board or dedominational covering is available if needed.
All these issues may be taken into account when a visitor makes contact with a local congregation. The question to be answered is how are the individuals and the congregation going to respond to these issues.

You make a lot of good points, Watchman. I think you are telling us that a church & especially its leaders need to have SENSITIVITY to the Holy Spirit, to the different cultures/church backgrounds of the congregation, to underlying tensions within the congregation, to where the congregation is at spiritually. You are correct in saying that this is noticeable to a visitor.

Great comments so far! I am a fairly new attendee at New Life but because I found this web site prior to my first visit, I knew more of what to expect than someone walking in “cold.” I had read a lot of Eric’s Blogs and liked what he had to say, knew where the church met, the style of worship etc. This was an enormous help to me as I was coming off a somewhat negative past church experience and was very nervous about trying again. I checked out a lot of Churches online during my search and was dismayed to see how many had pretty lousy sites. It’s so important to keep things updated, to have clear, easy to navigate links and to try to convey an sense of what a normal service is like. I’m sure I missed out on some great Churches because their sites hadn’t been updated in years and I didn’t have a good idea of what was going on now, what they believed and so on. New Life definitely got me in the door because of their online presence.

Once there, I noticed a lot of things that they are doing right. Someone once told me that the walk from the front door to the church is a very long walk when you are a visitor. I agree but think it’s more like the walk from the parking lot to the church… When my husband and I got out of the car and nervously tried to figure out where the entrance was, some lovely people came over greeted us warmly and “led” us inside. This made for an excellent first impression. Next, was being greeted by Gary that day, who immediately put us at ease with his amazing ability to meet people exactly where they are. I don’t even remember what we chatted about, probably mundane stuff but he made us feel valued. Walking into the worship area many people welcomed us and it was just the right mix of friendliness and respect for our boundaries. As a old hippie type that puts a lot of stock in how the “energy” feels in a new situation, I have to say it felt pretty good. It was evident just from watching the interaction between people that they truly loved and cared for one another. The church felt very peaceful and it felt safe. I liked the music a lot too. My previous church really blasted our eardrums with the volume of their worship band, to the point of it being painful, so the accoustic group at New Life was a welcome change. I really, really, like the fact that prayer requests are taken in the beginning of the service too and not as kind of an afterthought at the end when people are preparing to leave. I know these are all cosmetic things but they do make a difference. I guess the number one thing for me though, is whether I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit moving through a place of worship. I did feel Him very strongly that Sunday and that’s what brought me back. And yes, Eric is an awesome preacher and his sermons have inspired me to grow as a Christian and I can’t begin to say how much it meant for my husband, who is a born again Catholic to feel welcome to receive Communion, but the bottom line for me is knowing in my heart that God is present not only in the building but within the people there. There is such a wonderful feeling of openess and authenticity among the congregation there that I couldn’t help but want to come back. Last month my daughter who does not attend church, became ill and had to have emergency surgery. Not only did the church pray for her but offered help with meals etc and sent cards to her which she greatly appreciated. Through the grace of god she is fine now but it meant a lot to our family. For the 6 months or so i’ve been attending new Life I’ve been saying that “I’m just checking things out” but I realize that this is where God called me to begin with and it’s where I want to stay.

I wonder how many people who call themselves Christians visit or leave churches because the amosphere is comfortable or uncomfortable? My guess is most people leave a church because they are unhappy. They don’t like the sermon, the music is too loud or someone offended me. Church hoppers keep going from church to church looking for the magic place to make themselves feel good. Is not about feeling good or excepted. It’s about following the will of God. If Jesus modeled it in His own life why can’t we follow in His foot steps?

What about staying or leaving because God told them to leave or stay. How many fast and pray or 40 or more days to hear from God before they leave or stay?

How many Christians would visit a church because God told them too? Once they got there find out that they hate the worship music. The church is not welcoming. And the pastor’s sermon has no depth. Would they stay until God told them to move on? I doubt it.
It makes me wonder if shepherds are doing their jobs: to teach the sheep how to hear His voice and follow (John 10). How many pastors have trained their flocks to hear from God and not rely on their emotions?

I wonder if people are unhappy with their churches and leave because the gospel isn’t being preached.

Concerning New Life, Glastonbury as a church helping visitors feel comfortable on a 1 - 10 basis (excluding, of course, the Masonic atmosphere): 10.

Consulting the Holy Ghost on this matter is of utmost importance. Such consultation is not a brief word of “prayer” with the elders in an office or around a conference room table. That’s mere religious activity that is a stench in Heaven if there is a lack of secret prayer in the lives of those. Seeking the Holy Ghost takes time, on a regular basis. This is a relationship that is developed as a loving union.

We must determine to make all things “back burner” in comparison to seeking counsel of the Holy Ghost. That may appear as reckless abandonment of what we hold dear. What we hold dear are likely results of our decisions, not God’s. May we repent of putting the consultation of the Holy Ghost last and, in most cases, not at all.

Did you know the majority of the generation beginning in the 80’s to the present perceive the church as a non issue? We are completely irrelevant in their eyes. We are seeking to create a “happy club” which doesn’t offend. It’s even seen in the music. No mention of Christ, the cross, the blood or the offense of sin. Even the song “Rain”, which seems as a remake of “Amazing Grace”, replaces the phrase, “all my sin” with “all my stain (maybe I should use oxy-clean).” I am sickened in my spirit with Contemporary Christian Music, which seems to be putting a blanket of entertainment over the Church preventing her from doing battle in the heavenlies, as she must. Incidentally, in the times I visited NLCF, the music was rather good.

The only way we will appear relevant in today’s society is to take to the prayer closet with great fervor. Beloved, you are doing the best you possibly can, short of bringing visitors to a local coffee shop for fellowship. So focus on that does not have to be so much a concern (though it’s a great idea). The greatest draw will be the undeniable presence and activity of the Holy Ghost in His temple. Men will park where they must, walk and climb as many stairs as necessary to experience the Holy Ghost in His temple when they know He is there. The temple is you; it’s George, Loren, Sharman, Gloria, Dave, Lynette, Frank, Ginny and Tom, if we would only let Him abide. This will happen when we take the time for His secret, undistracted fellowship. The Church in Connecticut will be relevant again when we all consecrate ourselves and give ourselves to prayer.

Concerning all other activities of the Church, locations, buildings, parking lots (which is, alarmingly, of supreme concern to all churches I know - those with great location, new buildings and parking lots are bewildered such things made no difference except crippling expences): Do nothing, go nowhere, make no decisions without seeking the Holy Ghost and getting His mind. If you are not used to doing that, start now. It takes time. You are developing a loving relationship of communication with someone who loves you.

Walk in the Spirit,

Christopher

I just noticed the comment above mine. Who said that?
It’s people like you who need to mobilize the church to prayer. First, I believe, we must join together, seek God’s face and get His direction on praying in the coming revival.
We have been in our prayer closets. We are on the wall, calling out to God, giving Him not rest day nor night. We are poised for battle.
I believe we must, now, pray together, as Jeremiah Lanphier and the men of Manhattaten (1857). Incidentally, the men and women of NYC and NJ are now waiting for us to join the fray. Let’s meet and call out to God for this end time revival. Let us not be guilty of dawdling and leaving God to either bring in saints from other locations or use dumb beasts or stones to cry out.
Here’s an invitation: Pastors’ Prayer at Times Square Church, next Wednesday at noon. I’ll be taking the 8:05 out of New Haven. Do what you must to be there. You will wonder why you hadn’t gone previously. You will wish you had been going for the past two years. 803-5313. I’ll take you there.