“Have you found anyone special yet?”
“Gone on any dates recently?”
“So, when are you going to get married?”
Are there any more annoying questions for the single person than these (usually asked by well-meaning relatives, of course)? It is not easy to be single, especially in a world that sees marriage as something to which all normal and reasonable normal people should aspire. And the church does not always help, often focusing heavily on married families and causing the unmarried to feel pretty invisible.
But the Biblical perception of singlehood is far different and much more respectful. The two greatest figures of the New Testament, of course, were Jesus and Paul, and both were unmarried. And listen to what Paul has to say to those who are single:
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion… Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this… I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs– how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world– how he can please his wife– and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world– how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 25-28, 32-35).
It is good to be single – that’s the clear message from Paul. More than that, it may even be more desirable than being married for those who truly want to serve God, because your interests will not be divided between the Lord and your spouse (not to mention when kids come along). However, as Paul said, this teaching is not for everyone. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Jesus seemed to agree with Paul. During one conversation with his disciples, he was discussing divorce, and his disciples came to the conclusion that perhaps it is better not to marry. This is how Jesus replied: “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:11-12) Jesus seems to be saying that some who wish to give themselves wholeheartedly to the kingdom of God have renounced marriage, choosing instead to live completely for God.
This does not mean, of course, that being married is wrong or that raising a family is not also the work of God. When a marriage is done right, it can lead to even greater ministry, and raising godly children can multiply impact for the kingdom of God. What the words of Paul and Jesus do mean, however, is that instead of assuming that marriage should be the goal of every normal, reasonable person, it would be wise for the single person to first ask whether marriage is indeed God’s best for his or her life. After all, if it was good enough for Paul and Jesus, then maybe it could be good enough for you too.
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