As I reflect on the recent history of new church names, it seems that in the 1980’s and 90’s there was a proliferation of new churches (including our very own) that wanted their name to communicate the excitement and newness that comes from a relationship with Jesus.  These churches chose names like New Life, New River, River of Life, New Hope, New Song, and (somewhere, I’m sure) The Singing River of New Life and Hope.  Fifteen years later, thankfully there is still something inspiring and visionary (as well as Biblical) about those names.

Nowadays, I’ve found that many new churches are choosing names that are more unique in their artsiness and symbolism.  There are churches popping up with names derived from Latin or Greek, such as Missio Dei (mission of God), Imago Dei (image of God), Poiema (masterpiece), Coram Deo (in the presence of God), Terra Nova (new ground), and Ecclesia Church (which I guess could be called “Church Church”).  Other churches have taken their name from a significant Scriptural landmark, such as Mars Hill (Paul’s speech in Athens in Acts 17), Damascus Road (Paul’s conversion in Acts 9), Solomon’s Porch (Joel 2:17, I think), Jacob’s Well (Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4), and Matthias’ Lot (Acts 1:26).  And then there are churches that have chosen a symbolic word or phrase, preferably from the postmodern ethos, in order to communicate a picture of who they are:  Elevation Church, Paradox Community Church, Seed Church, The Vine Church, and Vintage Faith Church. 

There is one church name, however, that seems to be popping up more than any, sort of a “New Life” for the 21st century:  Journey Church.  When I was going through my latest search for a pastoral job, there were a couple of Journey Churches that intrigued me with their vision and values to which I considered applying.  However, I had a hard time getting past the name.  I mean, I’m assuming that Journey Church is supposed to communicate “we’re all on a spiritual journey, and you are invited wherever you are along the way.”

Unfortunately, when I hear “Journey Church,” all I hear is:

“Don’t stop believing!  Hold on to that feel-ayeeyah-ing!”

We welcome you to Journey
Church with Open Arms!!!

I mean, is it only me???  When the average person hears Journey, don’t they think of “this-song-is-so-cheesy-yet-somehow-I-can’t-seem-to-change-the-station” 80’s pop?  Mullets and tight jeans?  The never-to-be-duplicated video for Separate Ways???  (forget homo erectus; the distance we’ve come as a species since this video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwGdXZ6o2xs – is the greatest proof of evolution)  If I had become the pastor of Journey Church, I’m afraid I would never have been able to tell that to anyone with a straight face.  (Although I guess “Journey” is kind of appropriate since so much contemporary worship sounds like it could have been written by the band).

I’m forever yours…
faithfully

I think somebody may need to put a stop to this “Journey Church” virus.  I mean, if we allow one 80’s band to have a church named after them, what’s next?   A Flock of Seagulls Christian Fellowship?  Milli Vanilli Methodist Church?  Surely there’s a treasure trove of great church names if we dust off our record collections, right?

Top Five 80’s bands least likely
to have a church named after them

5) Wang Chung Community Church (night services only, naturally)
4) Fine Young Cannibals Episcopal Church (stay away from their home fellowships)
3) Kool & the Gang Holiness Temple (starring Pastor Kool!)
2) Bananarama Baptist Church (although wouldn’t you visit this church?)
1) Slayer Christian Fellowship (yikes)

Pastor Kool says “Let’s
celebrate Jesus this morning!
  C’mon! (Let’s celebrate)”

Before we go changing the name of our church, however, I think it’s vital to remember that in the Bible, your “name” almost always refers to your reputation.  If our reputation is one of transforming our community into a place of greater love, justice, and peace, then people will be curious what this name “NewLife” is all about.  But if our reputation becomes one of narrow-mindedness, condemnation, and separatist behavior, then it will confirm people’s worst prejudices, that evangelicals are a bunch of odd born-agains that need to keep their religion to themselves and not bother the good people of Glastonbury.

And that’s good news for Journey Church and for NewLife.  As important as it is to choose a good name for your church, in the end it is not as important as a good reputation.  With this truth in mind, let us live in such a way that we bring honor to the God who has truly brought us New Life in Jesus Christ.

I must confess – I fell for another Seven Steps book.

“Come on, Eric,” my head said, as I saw the book in the CBD catalog.  “You know it’s not that simple.”  But my heart had already been captured by the promise of mastering the complex world of ministry in only Seven Steps.  Seven Steps was nothing.  It’s my bed to the bathtub.  The kitchen table to the fridge.  The garage to the front door.  Anybody could walk seven steps.  But before my head could object, my hands were reaching for the phone, impulsively dialing 1-800-CHRISTIAN, ready to catapult myself into the realm of the super-pastor.
 “Yes, hello.  I’d like to order The Seven Practices of Effective Ministry, by Andy Stanley, Rick Joiner, and Lane Jones.”
 “The Seven Practices of Effective Ministry – that will be $13.99, sir.”
 “Excellent.”
 “Yes it is, sir.  Would you like to hear our specials today?”
 “Sure… why not.”
 “Okay… we have The Seven Steps for Turning Dreams into Reality by Tommy Barnett for $11.99… The Six Steps to Emotional Freedom by David Clarke for $7.99… we also have The Five Steps to Financial Freedom by James Wise for $14.99 and Five Steps to Knowing God’s Will by Bill Bright for $3.99.”
“I’ll take them all.”
“Excellent, sir.  Are you married?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well, then, we also have a special today on The Three Steps to a Healthy Family by Linda & Richard Eyre for $12.99.”
“Stick it in my bag, ma’am.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you today sir?”
“Let’s see – I’ve been struggling with how much food I eat lately.  Do you have anything for that?”
“Yes sir – we have Seven Steps to Healthy Eating by Paul Reisser for $4.99.”
 “Awesome.  By the time I make it to the fridge, my cravings should be gone.”
 “Excuse me, sir?”
 “Never mind… thanks – this is great.”
 “We just need to take one more step together, sir – can I have your credit card info?”

It may take a month or two to make it through these books, but I’m telling you – by the time I finish them, I should be invincible.  Not only will I be an effective pastor who knows God’s will and is seeing his dreams realizing, but I’ll be emotionally healthy, financially secure, leading a healthy family, and eating  broccoli for breakfast.  By that time I should be ready to start my next book – Seven Steps to World Domination.

Okay, I confess… I didn’t really order any of the aforementioned books.  Yet.  But as I peruse the books on the shelves in my office, I can see that I have more than my share of books that have promised to change my life, usually in Seven Steps.  Just for fun, I went on the Christian Book Distributors website and looked up all books with Seven Steps in their title.  It’s pretty uncanny how many things can be accomplished in only seven steps.  Just look at the list some time – you can turn around your life, turn your dreams into reality, achieve outer and inner beauty, live at your full potential, avoid a financial crisis, cultivate a healthy marriage, receive the Holy Spirit (who knew it took that many steps?), eat healthy, improve your pitching technique (what is this doing in here???), judge prophecy, revitalize the small town church, find a job, preach biblically, unclutter your life, and stop a heart attack – all in Seven Steps.

I’m telling you, Seven Steps to World Domination is just around the corner.

There’s a problem with the Seven Step Movement, however.  It’s not that the content is untrue, or that it hasn’t succeeded in changing people’s lives.  It’s not that the authors are lying or that the publishers are playing on your weaknesses.

The problem with the Seven Step Movement is the Six Step Movement.

Because if you keep looking through the CBD website, you’re going to find that in only Six Steps, you can do things like master being a Mom, rekindle your romance after the baby comes, find emotional freedom, clarify your calling, and unleash God’s revival power in your life.

It’s like the scene in There’s Something about Mary where Ben Stiller’s character picks up a hitchhiker played by the amazing Harlan Williams.  In case you haven’t seen the scene, I’m reproducing the dialogue for you in its entirety:

HITCHHIKER: A salesman — that’s what I am. I mean, I’m gonna be anyway. I’m starting my own company — video sales — just as soon as I get enough seed money.
TED: ‘That right? Good for you.
HITCHHIKER: Yeah, you wouldn’t believe my idea — it’s a home run. You ever hear of Eight-Minute Abs?
TED: The exercise tape? Sure, I’ve seen it on TV.
HITCHHIKER: Two million copies it sold last year. Two million, man. But not next year–my idea’s gonna blow them outta the water. Get this: (dramatic pause) Seven-Minute Abs.
TED: (pauses) I see where you’re going.
HITCHHIKER: (big smile) Think about it. You walk into a video store and you see Eight-Minute Abs and right next to it you see Seven-Minute Abs–which one you gonna spring for?
TED: I’d go with the seven.
HITCHHIKER: Bingo. Especially since we guarantee you’ll get every bit as good a work-out.
TED: How do you guarantee that?
HITCHHIKER: Well it’s the company motto: ‘If you ain’t happy we’ll send you the extra minute.’
TED: Huh. That sounds great. (pause) Unless someone else comes out with Six-Minute Abs.

Life is complicated.  Marriage is complicated.  So is ministry, raising kids, achieving your financial goals, and finding emotional freedom.  Following God and knowing His will is certainly more complicated than improving your pitching technique.  So maybe you can empathize with my addiction.  There is something so commanding, so inspiring, about the title The Seven Practices of Effective Ministry.  It communicates “I have gone through the struggles and have figured out how to be an effective pastor, and you will be spared the trouble if you only pay $13.99 for the pleasure of reading my book.”

But what I’ve found after years of reading books like these is that while there are always wonderful insights to be found, it is never a quick fix.  Life is complicated, and ministry in Atlanta, where Andy Stanley ministers, is certainly different than ministry in Glastonbury.  And I’m sure the Eyre’s family, healthy as it may be after only Three Steps (very impressive) is certainly different than mine. 
 Certainly I understand that the reason for these book titles is more marketing than anything else.  Seven Steps books sell because, like I said, it’s like walking from my garage to the front door – anyone can do it.  But the danger of these books is that it has the potential to rob God of His mystery.  Think about Joseph writing his Five Steps to Realizing your Full Potential:

1. Wear a fancy coat
2. Get sold to nomads by your brothers
3. Become a servant in a foreign land
4. Get thrown into prison for a crime you didn’t commit
5. Interpret dreams for important people in said foreign land   

Or what about Moses’ Three Steps to Encountering God?

1. Tend some sheep
2. Look for bushes that are on fire
3. Take off your sandals

There’s a mystery to how God works, to why some amazing families have kids who make disastrous decisions while some completely dysfunctional families produce the godliest men and women.  There’s a mystery to why some people’s wildest dreams come true while others, who have dedicated their whole lives to God, don’t realize theirs (Moses and the Promised Land, anyone?).  And there’s certainly a mystery to why God has continued to use me in ministry, despite numerous reasons He had to give up on me.  And I wouldn’t dare cheapen it or insult anyone else’s intelligence by trying to condense such a rich mystery into seven steps.

Some day, perhaps, I’ll write a book.  If I do, I’ve already decided what I’m going to name it, no matter what the publishers say.  It may not be as catchy as Seven Steps to becoming a SuperPastor, but I think it will accurately sum up what I have to offer this world.  And maybe by the time my book comes out the cynicism over how-to Christianity and packaged spiritual growth will have peaked, so that my title will have a ring of honesty and humility to it.

I think I’m going to call it Thoughts about Stuff, by Eric Stillman.  Catchy, isn’t it?