The NewLife Blog » Uncategorized

Funerals > Parties

Eric Stillman — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 16:37:40 +0000

“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.” (Ecclesiastes 7:2)

Ecclesiastes 7:2 is a verse I have often used when I conduct funerals and memorial services, for it speaks to how contemplating the death of someone has the powerful ability to put our lives in perspective and remind us of what really matters. The writer of Ecclesiastes goes as far as to say that it’s better to go to a funeral than to go to a party. A party may give us a momentary period of fun, but a funeral truly helps us take account of our lives and, hopefully, adjust the way we are living accordingly. At a funeral, we are reminded that death is the destiny of every man, and therefore it is critical to know whether or not we are right with God.

Furthermore, we are reminded that one day our loved ones will be gathered to remember us. In the light of that reality, what do we want them to say about us on that day? How do we want to be remembered? And are we living in a way that is consistent with that vision?

As you consider those questions, I wanted to share an article I came across recently entitled “Regrets of the dying,” written by a palliative care nurse. Take her advice as you will, and commit to live your life now with purpose so that you will not have regrets on that day:

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Guest Blogger: Nicole Pace

Eric Stillman — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:38:08 +0000

I was just thinking about Eric’s message on Sunday on Ephesians 4 about living a life “…worthy of the calling you have received” (Eph 4:1). I was thinking about how incredible it is that Paul gave us this charge to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Eph 4:2). I was also thinking about what it cost Paul to be this bearer of the gospel. He was writing this letter in chains- he was in prison. It cost him everything. I just thought we are kind of too fragile. I remember a few years back when I left my job because I really felt that I had to in order to maintain my walk with the Lord, and at the time I didn’t have another one. I was living home,single, and didn’t have a job, and I felt so completely stripped as a person. It was an awful time, and I realized how much of my identity was in my appearance. We like to feel that we are successful and doing fine and self sufficient financially and in a lot of other ways. Can we realize that sometimes the way God brings us will cause us to lose reputation in the eyes of men? Sometimes God does bring us through things that cause us a loss of our pride. Do we as Christians ascribe to the same system as the world? I think that sometimes without realizing it, we do because we are so bombarded,inundated,and engulfed by this system. It is what we have grown up in. For me anyway, it took God removing some of that security to understand just how much faith I placed in its comforts. I think that is why Paul gave us such an extreme example…to say to us

“ …I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law,but that which is through faith in Christ” (Phil 3:8-9).

Can we understand that sometimes God may take comforts, status, reputation, etc from us to replace it with more of Himself? I am not saying that we shouldn’t work…I know we need jobs. I am just saying it is so easy to put stock in how we appear to those around us. And are we able to instead agree with Paul that we count everything we lose for the sake of knowing Christ as rubbish?

Guest blogger: Jim Quigley

Eric Stillman — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 17:24:29 +0000

This week’s guest blogger is Jim Quigley. Jim has been a part of NewLife since last August, after moving up from New Jersey, and is an engineer who also works with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at Trinity College.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. “ (Ephesians 2:8-9)

“What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” (James 2:14-17)

Faith or works? Which one makes us acceptable to God? These two passages (among others) have often confused Christians and non-Christians alike as to which one is right. Is this a contradiction in the Bible?!? Of course not. The more I grow in the Lord, the more He reveals to me that these verses are not contradictory, but complementary. And though I am sure that volumes can be (and probably have been) written on this topic, I would like to (briefly) share how these concepts work together, not against each other, to help us in our walk with Christ.

Romans 3:28 states, “For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.” Ephesians 2:8-9 seems to echo this sentiment even clearer. Further, John says, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God” (John 1:12-13). We who believe in Jesus and receive Him into our lives are now the adopted sons and daughters of God. And this adoption comes about not by birthright (a Christian couple’s child is NOT automatically saved), not by the decision of the person, and not merely by the desire of another man. No, the adoption is from God alone. There is nothing we could have done, can do, or will do that will reconcile us to God for our sins; nothing that we can do to earn our salvation and adoption as sons of God. Salvation is a gift given by God and is accepted in faith. Our works do not make us eligible for salvation or initiate it; it is a free gift from God. When we are saved, not only do we accept Jesus into our lives, we accept Him as Lord and Savior. We give up our lives to Him, denying ourselves, taking up our cross, and following Him (Luke 9:23-24). We submit our will to Him and let His will be done through us. We are to be obedient to Him, our Lord and King. Did He not tell His disciples to go and make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:18-20)? Did He not tell us that we would do greater things than He because He will be our advocate to the Father (John 14:12-14)? These commands are given to his disciples, those who have given up their lives and will to follow and obey Him.

In order to obey Jesus’ orders, there will invariably be works that we need to do. The difference is that these works are not to gain favor with God; rather they are in response to His favor, in order to obey Him and bring Him glory. There is nothing we can do to repay Him for the sacrifice He made for each one of us on the cross, but we can bring Him glory by following Him and His commands. We are not justified because we obey, but instead, we obey because we are justified. It should be a great joy to be given an opportunity to serve Him and His Kingdom and bring Him glory. In fact, He has already prepared good works for you to do ahead of time (Ephesians 2:10)!

Now as disciples of Christ, we are also His example to the world. We are to do what Jesus would do. If we have a true, genuine faith in Jesus, then we should want to share it and show it to others. We are not meant to hide our light under a bowl, but rather, to “let [our] light shine before men, that they may see [our] good deeds and praise [our] Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). Your light can shine through words, but it will make more of an impact if the world sees you putting into practice what you preach. An advocate of smoke-free living who buys a pack of cigarettes is not only confusing to onlookers, but casts doubt in their minds as to the validity of his message in the first place. They might say, “He doesn’t even practice what he says, so why should we?” Similarly, what does it say of us when we are called to “love our neighbor as ourselves” and “serve one another in love,” and yet we neglect our neighbor in need (Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:13)? What does it say of us when we preach a loving, accepting atmosphere, and yet we turn around and judge and condemn? When we preach forgiveness, and yet hold bitterness and resentment in our hearts? Now, of course, we are not perfect, and thanks be to God, Almighty, that His grace forgives us and does not expect perfection. But His grace is NOT an excuse for us to NOT practice what we preach. We show that our words are more than just words by putting them into action. And as a result, people would be more willing to trust us, and more importantly, trust the message of salvation through Jesus Christ that we preach. That’s why James says what he does in 2:14-17. What good is it to say you love your neighbor, and yet don’t do anything to help him in time of need? How is your faith shown in this inaction? Further, look at what it says in 1 John 2:3-6: “We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.” A true showing of faith is living it out, putting actions behind your words, and being obedient to God’s commands by actually doing them!

So we are justified and saved solely on faith in Jesus, not by our works, but a direct result of our faith in Him is to obey His commands and do works for His Kingdom in order to bring Him glory. I love how the band Hillsong United puts it in their song “Solution.”

“Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
For the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light”

He is the only one that can heal us completely, open the eyes of our heart, forgive and erase our sins, set us free from the bondage we had to sin and death, take our worst despair and turn it into the greatest good, be our adopted Father, our Savior, and King. But we are called to be His hands and feet on this Earth. To be His light in the darkness.

I am not telling you to quit your job and enter full-time ministry, but I am encouraging all of us to be doers of the Word and not just listeners (James 1:22-25). I encourage us all to make the most of the opportunities that God has given us and use them to bring Him glory (Ephesians 5:15-17). There is so much work that needs to be done for the Kingdom and every day is one day closer to Jesus’ second coming. Our time is short, and He has called us to “make disciples of all the nations” and to “serve one another in love” (Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:13). I pray that we would not burying our talents in the ground, but rather, use them to further the Kingdom and bring Him glory (Parable of the Talents, Matthew 25:14-30). Since you are made righteous by your faith in Him, go and do works for Him, for He is worthy and deserves to be glorified.

It may be true for you, but it’s not true for me…

Eric Stillman — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:42:50 +0000

“I want to seek the company of those who are looking for the truth, but run away from those who say they have found it.”

So said the philosopher Deepak Chopra on Nightline the other night, to rousing applause from the audience. Chopra was one of four panelists in a discussion on the question “Does Satan exist?” and his words echo a sentiment that is attractive to many today in America, that to be a seeker of the truth is a noble thing, and to believe that there are many paths to God or heaven or enlightenment is to be commended, but to stand up and say that there is only one way to God is an arrogant, narrow-minded, and very unenlightened thing to do.

The Nightline panel debating the existence of Satan consisted of two who believed in his reality – Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, and Annie Lobert, founder of the ministry Hookers for Jesus – and two who denied his reality – philosopher Deepak Chopra and Bishop Carlton Pearson, a preacher who became famous for embracing universalism, the notion that all will eventually be saved, and in the process losing most of his megachurch congregation. The debate had many interesting moments (you can watch it in its entirety at http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/faceoff), but I wanted to highlight one aspect in particular, because it is a notion I am sure many of you face regularly and is one that can be disarming in any debate or discussion. It’s the classic “that may be true for you, but it’s not true for me. If you believe Jesus is God, that’s great that it works for you. But it’s not for me.”

Ever heard that one before? It’s classic relativism, the belief that there is no objective standard, that experience is king. If something is true for you then it’s true, and if something is true for me, then it’s also true, even if those two beliefs contradict each other and could never actually both be true. If you believe that Jesus rose from the dead and is Lord, great. It’s just not for me. I’ve got something else that is true for me, that works for me. So leave me alone and stop trying to convert me to your truth.

So how do you respond to statements like those? Let me share three ways to respond:

The first response is what I would call “the Hitler test.” If what works for you is true, and what works for me is true, then do you think that Hitler should have been allowed his beliefs as well? Do you think a child molester should be allowed their belief that it is right to have sex with children? If it’s true for them, then who are you to say their way is wrong? If truth is just relative, then by what authority can you pronounce some things okay and other things not okay? What gives you the right to tell Hitler he was wrong, or to pass judgment on a child molester? The point, of course, is that unless there is an objective standard as to what is right and what is wrong, there is no moral ground on which to stand, and the “whatever works for you” argument in the end will just allow evil to go unchecked, because what is evil to you may be good to someone else.

My second response would be, “Is it true or not?” While I may not be able to speak against someone’s experience, there are objective ways of measuring whether something is true or not. In the case of Christianity, therefore, it’s not just “does it work for you?” but “is it true?” Are the Bible texts reliable or not? When you read the gospels, do they accurately portray what happened in the life of Jesus? Did Jesus really rise from the dead? Was he really divine, or just a really good teacher? When it comes to Christianity, we are not just talking about philosophy but history. We believe that a man named Jesus lived in the Middle East 2000 years ago; that he was not just man but the very Son of God; that he lived a sinless life; that he spoke of salvation and the kingdom of God; and that he died and rose again on the third day before ascending into heaven. The question is not “does that work for you?” but “is it true?” If it’s true, then it doesn’t matter whether or not it works for you – it is just true. Imagine a student telling his teacher that 3+3=6 just doesn’t work for him or a history teacher that Columbus sailing across the Atlantic to America doesn’t work for him, or worse, trying to tell gravity that it doesn’t work for you as you jump off a tall building. Some things are just true, whether or not you believe it or it “works for you” (if you really want to investigate whether or not the claims of Christianity are true, I would recommend reading some of Lee Strobel’s books, like “The Case for Christ” or “The Case for Faith”).

My third response would be that, if we are honest, not every belief or religion or philosophy can be equally true, because they all say irreconcilable things. Some systems believe God is a unity, some believe He is a Trinity, others that God is an impersonal force, others that God is manifest in millions of gods, and still others that there is no god. Some believe God is separate from creation, others that He is one with creation. And when you get down to some of the specifics, there are even more contradictions. Should we care for the lepers in India, as Christians like Mother Teresa have done for generations, because God calls us to care for “the least of these”? Or should we leave them as they are, because due to karma they deserved to be reincarnated that way, as a Hindu would believe? Should we work to free African women who have to undergo female genital mutilation? Or should we respect their culture and let that happen? Different religions and beliefs say irreconcilable things, and it is intellectually shallow and lazy to just proclaim “whatever works for you.”

Relativism, proclaiming that “whatever works for you is good for you, but it’s just not for me” sounds loving and tolerant, but in the end is actually intellectually lazy and opens the door to all kinds of evil. I would encourage you, as Deepak Chopra would say, to be a seeker of the truth, but also challenge you that there was a man who claimed “I am the truth” (John 14:6), and that in the end you will have to be accountable for your decision as to whether or not He is The Truth – even if it didn’t “work for you.”

Pardon the Interruption

Eric Stillman — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:03:31 +0000

Unfortunately, something has gone wrong with the server, causing us to lose the last month or so of blogs, sermons, and updates (that was one powerful Daylight Savings…). Hopefully this will be remedied soon and we’ll be able to get everything back to normal soon. Sorry for the confusion!

“Meant to Live” as performed by J Pru & Rich Lacoss

Eric Stillman — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 06:15:40 +0000

You’ve got to hear this: in case you missed it, here’s a copy of Sunday’s acoustic performance of Switchfoot’s Meant to Live by Jason Proulx (J Pru) and Rich Lacoss. Sound quality is fair at best, but the vocals & guitar work more than make up for it. Jason is a talented singer/songwriter (check out his MySpace page at www.myspace.com/jasonpru) and Rich is one of our worship leaders and an accomplished guitarist (check out www.richlacoss.com). Some day when they hit it big, they can include this bootleg on their “Rarities” EP.

The Switchfoot song is an incredible call to wake up to the fact that there is a quality of life available through Jesus Christ that surpasses anything you could ever experience apart from Him. He called it “eternal life”, and contrary to popular opinion, it’s not just “life after death” but something you can begin to experience right now. Over the next four Sundays, we’ll be awakening to that call and unleashing the limitless power of God in our lives so that He might bring us to that place where we truly, as Switchfoot puts it, “live for so much more.” Come and check it out – you won’t be disappointed.

Fido & Whiskers’ Big Day Out: The recap & pictures

Eric Stillman — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:30:39 +0000

The first annual Fido & Whiskers’ Big Day Out was a huge success this past Saturday, with approximately 400 people, 200 dogs, and 0 cats in attendance. We gave out tons of free food & drinks, Sarah took lots of free photos, and people won all sorts of free prizes. Plus the vendors did an incredible job, from the Central K-9 agility curse to the fun competitions. Kristin Burns was an incredible MC, of course, and Rachel Lutzker was a great judge for the competitions. Here are some of the best pictures from the day:

Flying through the Central K-9 agility course

Great Photo with your Pet by Sarah McCoy

Another great Photo with your Pet by Sarah McCoy

Celebrity Judge Rachel Lutzker judging the Best Looking Dogs

Rachel Lutzker judging the Best Tail Wagger

NewLife pastor Eric Stillman doing the Blessing of the Animals

Woofer & Kristin Burns from The River 105.9

The Beckett & Associates Veterinary Services Prep for Surgery Demo

The NewLife volunteers who pulled it off – way to go!!!