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This summer I’m preaching through the book of Proverbs on the subject of wisdom. One of the things that has been clear from Proverbs is that if you want to live wisely and make good decisions, then you need to have wise mentors and advisors in your life and surround yourself with the right people. This morning I want to speak about something very similar that Proverbs says is essential to wise living, and that is choosing the right friends. Friendship is certainly not a sexy topic – there aren’t many songs about friendship or magazine covers about who is best friends with who – but having the right kind of friends is absolutely essential to wise living. When Proverbs discusses what it means to live wisely, it is clear that one of the things that can derail wise living is poorly chosen friends. And one of the things that can increase your wise living is having good friends.

Let’s begin by reading some verses on friendship:

Proverbs 12:26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:5-6,9-10,17 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. ⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses… ⁹ Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. ¹⁰ Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you-- better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 28:23 He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

Proverbs 29:5 Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.

This morning I want to talk about why friendship is important, and what it means to be a true friend.  The first Proverb tells us how important it is to be wise in the friends you choose:

Proverbs 12:26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

As any parent will tell you, how wisely you live your life will be greatly affected by the friends you choose. Especially at a young age, there is a great desire to fit in and not stand out, and that can often lead to poorly chosen friends. But a righteous man, one who is right-related to God, will choose cautiously who will be his friend, for the way of the wicked may lead you astray.

A wise person also recognizes the difference between a companion, an acquaintance, and a friend.

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Certainly with Facebook, it’s possible to have 1000 friends, but how many of them will be there for you at 10 at night when you need a real friend? Friendship is a very unique thing, different than family, romantic relationships, work relationships. You don’t choose your family – they have to be there, or they should be there. And there is a great pull to romantic relationships, for you need a romantic relationship in order to have a family. Even work associates are necessary in order to provide for yourself. But a friend is different. Friendship is the one relationship you can do without. A friend seems expendable, and it takes such effort and time to build a solid friendship. But a friend chooses you – the one who doesn’t have to be there but chooses to be there – that is sweet.

Proverbs 27:9 - Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

The pleasantness or sweetness from a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

I want to share two things according to Proverbs that separate an acquaintance from a true friend. The first is found in Prov 17:17:

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

No matter what happens, they will be there. A friend is there at all times, especially when times are hard.

The second thing that separates an acquaintance from a true friend is found in these proverbs:

Proverbs 27:5-6,17 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. ⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses… ¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 28:23 He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

Proverbs 29:5 Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.

One major thing that separates a true friend from an acquaintance is that a true friend is not afraid to confront in love.

The couplet in Prov 27 is startling – hidden love is hiding the truth instead of openly rebuking, and it is paired with an enemy multiplying kisses. If you are afraid to confront, you are doing the work of an enemy. Proverbs calls you a flatterer – someone who compliments because you want the other person to like you – not a real friend, and says that you are only spreading a net for his feet. You are leading them right into ruin by not pointing out their sin.

Better to rebuke openly. As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another. It’s painful, but sharpening, sanctifying, to have a friend who is not afraid to speak the truth in love, to say things with the motive of presenting them mature and Christlike.

That’s beautiful and all, but we are lucky if we have one friend like that. Many of you have had friends like that who have been taken away. We do not have the friends our hearts need, and we are often not a good friend.

But there is hope. Jesus in John 15 is talking to his disciples before he heads to the cross, and he says this:

John 15:12-17 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.

Jesus is the friend who sticks closer than a brother, who loves at all times, and who speaks the truth in love. The truth is that we betrayed Jesus, but he did not turn on us. In the Garden his friends fell asleep on him, and he still died for them. He is the ultimate friend you are looking for.

And once you have him, look around you. There is something incredibly unique and powerful here. People from all different backgrounds – Republican and Democrat, blue collar and white collar, young and old, city and suburb, are brought together by one common affinity – Jesus. There is such potential in having friends who love Jesus but may be completely unlike you, that perhaps you never would have gotten to know if it weren’t for the church. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. That is the blessing of Christian fellowship.

Come to the church picnic today. Get involved in a home fellowship. Surround yourself with friends who will help you to live wisely. And as for the friends you have, do not be afraid to be a true friend, to speak the truth in love.