The writer of Proverbs contrasts running into the name of the Lord with “The wealth of the rich is their fortified city; they imagine it an unscalable wall” – they imagine that their wealth will keep them safe, so they trust in that and run to that when they are threatened. At its core, every other thing we run to is an idol – we are looking to it to give us safety, to give us meaning, to bring us peace or joy. But it is never enough. It always lets us down.

Tell your mind the truth – run into the name of the Lord. Remind yourself about his wisdom, his sovereignty, his goodness, his mercy, his love. Meditate on who He is.

Those are two short-term solutions to self-control. And many of you say, “I’ve tried that. I’ve tried accountability, but it doesn’t seem to work. I’ve tried telling myself about God, but I still can’t stop sinning.” That’s because to really be a person of self-control, there is something more that is needed. This is because lack of self-control is a sign that our desires are out of order. We are choosing something that is bad for us or less important and neglecting the things that are most important, because our desires are out of order. When we get right down to it, there is something else we desire more than God, more than wisdom, more than life. It may be peace, which leads us to escape whenever we feel threatened. It may be the need for control that drives you to live out of control. It may be the need for adventure and excitement that causes you to keep choosing the urgent over the important. It may be the need for freedom that causes us to make poor decisions whenever we feel confined. Whatever it is, we are choosing death instead of life, the urgent over the important, because our desires are out of order.

So what does it mean to get our desires in order so that we might become people of self-control? I think we get some insight from a story in Genesis about Jacob and Rachel. Jacob fell in love with Rachel and wanted to marry her, but Laban, her father, made him work seven years in order to have the right to marry her. In Genesis 29:20, we read “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.”

Seven years of labor seemed like only a few days? How is that possible? How is possible that seven years of self-control did not feel like self-control, but felt like only a few days? Because of his love for her. Jacob wanted her so badly that seven years felt like a few days, because he would do anything for her. There is something profound in that, that when we love something that much, it is no longer self-control, but a joy. When your marriage is struggling and you are struggling to love your wife, it may take all kinds of self-control to not look at other women, to imagine yourself with other women, etc. You may need a lot of accountability and help in order to remain self-controlled. But if you truly love your wife above all things, then it is no longer about self-control. You become a person of self-control just because you love her and don’t want anything or anyone else more than you want her.