The real key to self-control comes when God becomes your greatest desire. It comes when He is the one thing you desire above all else. When pleasing Him, knowing Him, loving Him, becomes the passion of your heart, then you become a person of self-control, a person who desires are properly ordered, a person who consistently chooses the important thing over the urgent thing. It’s not about doing this or that, or putting into place these safeguards or these relationships. It’s ultimately about knowing God and learning to love and desire Him above all others things. Consider Titus 2:11-14:

Titus 2:11-14 - For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. ¹² It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope-- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

The grace of God teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, to live self-controlled, godly lives. Do you see that? The grace of God teaches us self-control?!? Not judgment, not fear, not guilt, but grace, love. You see, the reason why accountability and some other measures are only short-term solutions is that the motivation is often not love, but fear and guilt. We say no to wasting money or yelling at people or getting drunk or cheating on our spouse because we fear the consequences, or because we’d feel guilty if we did. The motivation is not love, but fear, or guilt. And people try to convince us not to waste our time or money or hurt people or abuse substances by appealing to fear or guilt. And that can not truly teach self-control.

But Titus says that it is the grace of God that brings salvation that teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives. So what is the grace of God that brings salvation?

If there was ever anyone who understood self-control, it was Jesus. He knew what was coming, the pain, the separation, the loss of the Father, and yet he remained faithful to the end, consistently choosing the important thing over the urgent thing. Why? Was it because he had accountability? No – it was for the joy set before him.

Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

It was for the joy set before him. What was that joy? He had been in heaven for all eternity, and he was going back. What was His joy? What was it that gave Him such self-control? What was his Rachel that could make the road to the cross seem doable? What was the one thing that He did not have?

You. The only thing He did not have was you. His Rachel, the thing that motivated him to endure the cross, scorning its shame, exercising supreme self-control, was you, so that you might be rescued, redeemed, saved, and know His great love for you. While you were His enemy, still in your sin, enslaved by all the things that enslave you, life out of control, spending your time and money on that which will never satisfy you, He chose you and loved you and died for you. And the more you grasp that, the more you learn to love Him as He loved you, the more you will become a person of true self-control.