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We’re reading through the book of Proverbs this summer, looking at the subject of wisdom and what it takes to become a person of wisdom. One thing we have seen over the past few weeks is that there are often deep currents within you that you may not be aware of that cause you to act foolishly. There are deep recesses of pride, anger, lust, self-control issues, and others that prevent you from acting wisely. This morning we’ll talk about one of those issues that can be especially subtle and many times we are not aware of how it affects wise living, and that is envy. Consider these two passages:

Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 23:17-18 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. ¹⁸ There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

This morning I want to talk about what envy is, how it affects us, and how to deal with it.

What is envy and where does it show itself?

To envy someone is to wish you had someone else’s life or the aspects of someone’s life – it is noticing something that is good about someone else, but instead of rejoicing over the good they have, you weep over the fact that you don’t have it. For example:

· Someone shares with you how great their marriage is and you resent them for it and hate your husband all the more because your marriage is not like theirs

· Someone else gets a promotion at work, or you see someone more successful than you in their field, and you hope they fail at it

· You see someone good looking and you say to yourself “well, they’re probably really shallow and stupid.”

· You see someone blessed with a loving family or having gotten all the breaks in life, and you hate them for it.

Envy is noticing something that is good about someone else’s life, but instead of rejoicing over the good they have and being happy for them, you weep over the fact that you don’t have it, and you begrudge them their happiness.

A person with a healthy outlook on life sees someone who is more successful and celebrates with them, praises them for their skill, and learns from them what they can. There is nothing wrong with noticing someone else’s strong marriage or job skills and praising God for that and learning from that example. But a person affected by envy sees someone else’s strong marriage or job success and resents them for it and finds himself wanting them to fail. The person affected by envy feels worse about his own life because of the good he sees in others.

Envy is being unhappy at other’s happiness, weeping when they rejoice. And it is also rejoicing when they weep, becoming happy at their unhappiness.

That’s what envy is; so how does it affect wise living?

Remember Proverbs 14:30 - A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Envy rots the bones! Why is envy so toxic? Let me share a few ways envy affects you negatively.

1) One way envy affects you is that you become hyper-critical, needing to find the faults in people. Think of the tabloids, the need to see the famous fall, to pick out every little thing that is wrong with them. When you envy someone, something within you needs to take them down, needs to prove that they are not all they seem to be.

2) Another way is that it fills you with self-pity, as you become more and more unhappy with the way your life is going. When you envy the lives of others, it sours your entire life. Envy sucks the joy out of your life, because you can not stand that others have better lives than you. Envy poisons your ability to enjoy the life you’ve got. You compare yourself to others and come up short. You can’t appreciate your own body because you’re too fat, or your nose is too big, or your teeth not white enough, or your skin not tan enough. You don’t appreciate your position at work because others get promoted when they shouldn’t, or get rewarded when you work harder.

Envy is not fun at all. Every other “deadly sin” at least has an element of fun to it. Giving in to sloth, lust, wrath, greed, pride, gluttony, all have some pleasure. But envy is no fun at all. It sucks the joy out of your life as it fill s you with self-pity.

3) A third way envy affects you is that it causes you to make decisions and choices out of your desire to have what others have. Consider Ecclesiastes 4:4 - And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. When you begin to make decisions out of envy, out of a desire to have what someone else has, you are acting in foolishness.

The thing about envy is that it’s really subtle, not something we may even notice. That’s likely because it seems so small, so petty, to not share in someone else’s happiness but to want to see them fall instead, to let other’s happiness cause you to become bitter and unhappy. But underneath it all, there is something deep going on with envy. Ask yourself this – what do you envy? Where do you weep when others rejoice? When you understand that, it helps you see what is in your heart, what you value, and what you are looking to for your identity. Look at who you envy or what you envy. Something or someone is threatening your identity, or is something you are putting above God. If you get your identity from your work, then you envy those who do better than you and you want to see them fall. gt; If you get your identity from relationships, then you envy those who have better relationships than you. If you get your identity from your looks, then you envy those who are better looking. If you are filled with envy, you will continually make unwise, foolish choices, as you act out of your envy.

So how do you deal with it?

Remember Proverbs 23:17-18 - Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. ¹⁸ There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Be zealous for the fear of the Lord – live to worship God and live in awe and wonder of who He is. When you don’t want anything else, when you know who He is and what you have in Him, when He becomes enough, then you don’t need to envy anything or anyone else. Finding contentment with God and the place He has you is the antidote to envy.

Proverbs 19:23 The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.

The goal is contentment. So how do you find that? Consider a few passages on contentment:

1 Timothy 6:6-10 - But godliness with contentment is great gain. ⁷ For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. ⁸ But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ⁹ People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.

Hebrews 13:5-6 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." ⁶ So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Contentment comes from knowing the Lord is our helper

Philippians 4:10-13 I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Contentment comes from knowing that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, that He is enough for you, that no matter what situation you find yourself in, no matter what hand you were dealt, you can make it through with Him.

Ephesians 2:8-10 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I think this passage is crucial in finding contentment and dealing with envy. Often envy comes from being dissatisfied with who God has made us or the situation in which we find ourselves. We don’t like the way we look, our family, our jobs, and so we envy others and pity ourselves. Contentment comes when you realize that you are God’s workmanship, his masterpiece, and that there are things God has prepared for you that you will only be able to do because of your circumstances, because of your disabilities, because of your painful experiences or handicaps. Instead of envying others, recognize that God has you in the situation in which you are in for a reason, that you are his workmanship, created to do good works that only we could do. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, get busy doing the good works He has given you to do in the situation in which you are in.

Finally, remember how Proverbs 23:17-18 ends - Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. ¹⁸ There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

I think envy often comes from feeling like we only get to live once, and we get stuck with bad parents, or a bad spouse, or a bad job, or a bad body. We despair at the hand we’ve been dealt and wish we had been dealt another hand or made better choices. But there is surely a future hope for you.

What is that future hope? One thing about envy is that underneath it are good desires – desires for the perfect spouse and family, a fulfilling life and vocation, a flawless body. And one day, the Bible tells us, we will have all of that, and even more than we could ever desire. 1 Corinthians 2:9 However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"--

There is a future hope in the new heavens and new earth, and this life is not all there is. One day we will be the bride of Christ, and you will have the spouse that is greater than all spouses. One day you will have the perfect resurrection body. One day you will have the perfect family, live in the perfect city. And one day you will reign with God in the perfect job, finding the perfect fulfillment. One day you will have all that you have ever desired. That is truly what your heart is after – eternity (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Not John Smith’s wife or Joe Brown’s job, but something infinitely greater – God Himself, eternity. Even if you did get someone else’s life, you would eventually find that you would want someone else’s life, and then someone else’s, because that is ultimately not what you are looking for; eternity is what you are looking for. God is what you are looking for. Do not envy others, because everything you are looking for will be yours one day. There is surely a future hope for you.

Proverbs 23:17-18 - Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD. ¹⁸ There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

So live content with God and who He has made you and where He has you and what He has in store for you. And get busy doing the good works He has prepared for you to do.